I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
