The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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