Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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