If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
