we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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