also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I need water and some morals
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
