are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
