dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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