i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
