but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
