You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I want to fling myself into the sun
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
