Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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