I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
