Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
