hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize