my shit smells like andre
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
