Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
