i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
