I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
