exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
