If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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