i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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