mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
