Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
