I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize