I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
