Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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