haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
