i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
