so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
