how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
