Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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