dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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