What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
