he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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