i think my tv is drunk
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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