I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
