Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
