Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
