i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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