I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
