it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
