my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
