I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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