tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
