took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize