ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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