I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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