I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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