Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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