I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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