He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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