i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
