Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
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