I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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