If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize