he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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