Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
