I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
