and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
