this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
