So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
