I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
