I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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