There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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