i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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