Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
