A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
there was a trapeze. enough said
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize