So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
