dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
