I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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