I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
